If I Die Young
by DarlingYourDemonsAllLookLikeMe
Summary: If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song. What happens when one of the gang might die young?


She laid on the drab hospital bed, paler than ever and with bones protruding from every inch of her. Her once beautiful skin had turned translucent and looked like it wouldn't be able to hold her together for much longer. It was wrong for Beck to see his once tougher than anything girlfriend struggle to even take a laboured breath. It breaks his heart to see her like that. She's even told him what she wants for when she dies.

_If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song._

It wasn't a case of if, in her mind. It was a case of when. The only sound in the room is the faint beeping of Jade's machines, which sometimes he forgot was even there, thanks to the familiarity. Of course there was the occasional hitch of her breath, or that terrible moment when she flat lined.

After that, she'd told him not to worry if the worse were to happen. It wasn't that she knew everything would be okay, or that nothing would change. She simply loved him enough to let him go. Jade had been through a lot of heartbreak, and she knew how it felt when the one you love feels like they're slipping away. Jade wouldn't wish that upon him, even after her death. So, she said move on. Jade and Beck both knew he wouldn't.

Jade is just like her mother. She's crazy, headstrong and dark. Weird, a little eccentric and when she cares about someone she'll love them so much and never let go. Now, because of that, Jade is her mother's whole world. From the minute she was born, till this very day Paris loved her baby girl. Jade wishes, that when she dies something will remind her mother that she's fine, at rest at last.

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother. She'll know I'm safe with you when she shines under my colours. _

He hears the doctors speaking to one another and it tears him apart.

"She's going fast."

"Won't make it till the morning,"

"That one's a fighter. But she's got to let go," He shakes his head and the angry tears sting his eyes. They're wrong. They're all wrong!

*They can't _all_ be wrong, can they?*

So he holds his head up high and her hand by her side. She can speak, and listen, and see, and watch. Most importantly? She can feel. When she first came in, all she felt was anger, and pain. Now she knows that she has to look past it….Before the future catches up with her.

She smiles everyday…She's no different from the girl she was, she just doesn't feel the need to purse her lips and seal the laugh any longer. He loves her either way, but he photographs her so much in that bed, she knows he's getting as many smiles as he can.

One day, she feels herself slipping. She even asks Beck to bring in the old gang to say her farewells. He refuses to believe she's slipping, to believe she's _dying. _

*It can't be true.*

They come in one day, when Beck isn't there, Tori leading them in. Jade rolls her eyes, and coughs but makes a gesture for them to all come in. They tiptoe around her, afraid to make her annoyed, because she's just that weak.

*No, she's not*

"Jade…" Tori trails off, her eyes looking everywhere but at Jade.

"Vega," She says simply in return. "Are you going to say something or stand there like a fish with its mouth open?" But she says it nicely enough.

Cat bursts into tears at that very moment. Her bottom lip is quivering and she just doesn't know what to do or say. "Jade-y…"

Jade doesn't flinch at the nickname she'd hissed at many times before. "Jade, don't leave me," Cat's high pitched voice cracks and she cries even more at that sound. She hates seeing her best friend like that. Jade's always been the one to protect her, not the other way round. She feels so useless.

"Cat, don't," Jade says with the most heart wrenching look in her eye. She hates seeing her best friend like that, too. Cat goes over and gives the scissor loving girl the biggest hug you'd ever see. Jade leaned over, though her ribs cracked with every breath.

"I won't ever leave you, Cat. I promise. You're in my heart; I keep you with me everywhere I go,"

"Even when you're gone?"

"Especially when I'm gone."

Robbie and Rex ventured over, and she sighed with a hint of a laugh. Of course Rex would be there. She gave him a one armed hug, none the less.

Andre shook his head, walking towards her. "Jade West, I never thought I'd see you here. Come on, give me a hug," She leaned over with a smile. She always did loved Andre's hugs.

"I'll miss you, West," he whispered, using the nickname he always said jokingly. "I really will."

"Don't go all mushy on me." She smiled. "But I'll miss you too, Harris." She kissed him on the cheek lightly.

Next Tori made her way up to the metal bed. Jade's eyebrows raise and she laughs to herself, thinking of the many times she'd thought of Tori wishing her here.

"Goodbye, Jade…I'd say I won't miss you and your tricks, but I'd be lying. I'll miss you a lot."

"I'll miss you, too, Vega…Just not too much." She winked.

"Come on. Give Tori a squeeze." Tori leaned over, and just as the hug was ending she whispered something barely audible. "I'm-I'm sorry,"

Jade shakes her head, smiling a tight lipped smile. "Hmm," She says quietly. "I should be, too." Tori knew what she meant. It was good enough. Slowly everyone ushered out of the small room, blowing kisses and waving as they went, and in some cases, wept.

She was left to think for a while. Her thoughts buzzed like bees in her head, swarming around the all-important thoughts she tried so hard to avoid. She hated the fact she'd just had to say goodbye to the people she loved, yet the person she loved the most in the entire world refused to say goodbye. The tears fell down her face freely as she dwelled on the fact she might never get to say goodbye. As she heard the door click she wiped away the droplets from her pale face.

"Jade." It was Beck. The only person she hadn't said her farewell to, as she'd said it to her mother in a private moment when they were alone.

"Beck," She said in reply. She shook her head and her hair fell like a curtain round her face. "It shouldn't be like this."

"No, it shouldn't." He said simply. "You shouldn't be in that hospital bed, struggling to breath, you shouldn't be d–"

Dying.

It had slipped out.

It was too late to take back.

The worst part? It was true.

Soon the sky was dark and the room was gloomy lit by a dim lamp. They'd just sat together, breathing in sync and drowning in their thoughts.

He kisses the air above her cheek and gently wishes her goodnight. She kisses him on the lips and whispers back.

"I love you."

"I love you too,"

_There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever, who would have thought forever could be severed by the sharp knife of a short life?_

Beck leaves her alone for a while, and he busies himself at home by finally eating something and taking a long hot shower to take his mind off things.

While he takes his mind off of things, Jade does the same.

She draws and draws and writes and writes in her little black notebook. First she decides to draw all of the people she loves. In the end, she even draws Tori – but never mind about the mustache. Drawing only keeps her attention for a little while. It becomes boring after a while, and she puts her pencil down in thought. She thinks about the end…the end of her. What would people do when she dies? It'd always crossed her mind, even when she was well, but now it was a nagging thought in the back of her mind. They'd be sad would they? Even though she was sarcastic and mean, and sometimes even a little bitter, she hoped they'd shed a few tears for her memory. And for the sake of her ego, I suppose.

After a while, once she's finally got the better of her imagination again, she picks up the pencil beside her and starts to write a letter. She writes one to her mother, and signs it with a hundred kisses, and then another one for Beck, until she'd gotten through everybody's letter. She sealed them and enclosed their pictures, with a little note attached.

She writes them now and then pops them under her pillow, hiding them. She doesn't want them to see them, because she knows they'll only tut.

"Never mind," She mutters. "They'll find them when….They'll find them later."

It's been hours since he left. She's tired and upset and she just wants her Beck. Her mother told her she'd be back in the morning – she has things to do. That doesn't bother her; she knows her mother will be back.

She looks at the big clock on the wall, ticking away. To her it almost looks like its counting down her hours left. Maybe it is, she decides looking at it carefully.

Five minutes….

Ten minutes….

Fifteen minutes….

Twen- "Beck?" She asks finally. The door clicks open and he comes in with a relived look in his eye and then he scrapes back his hair.

"Jade." He breathes out, looking straight at her.

"Where have you _been?"_ Jade asks. She may be sick, but she's still his girlfriend.

"I was just thinking about things," He says, walking in quietly. "I lost track of time, I'm sorry."

"Yeah," She says sharply. "I'm sorry too."

"Jade, please," Back pleads. "You're not the only one hurting."

She raises an eyebrow, piercing and all. "I'm not the only one hurting? After all of this – you know what I mean by that, too – you get to walk out of here, and live your life, breathe. You get to see the world like I'll never do. So don't you _dare_ tell me that! Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, every breath is a step closer to dying – didn't I tell you birthday parties were a waste of time? And you're sitting here, telling me that _I'm not the only one hurting!"_

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way…You know I didn't,"

Jade sighed. In the back of her mind she knew he was right. "Hmm," She looked back at him and sighed once again. "I know you didn't."

Beck left soon and her mother and grandmother came in. Her grandmother coughed a bit then asked, "A penny for your thoughts?"

"_Oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner." _

The two women held their heads in their hands, watching the youngest West girl make jokes about her fragile state. They knew it – they just didn't want to acknowledge any of it. She was their _baby._ It was terrible to think there was a black cloud looming over her.

Slowly, they had to face facts. Jade was getting weaker and weaker, and she was slowly dying. There was nothing they could do.

Coughs racked her body, her whole face turning red and her frail figure shook and shrivelled. Her once beautifully clear skin turned grey and her blue eyes sank in her face, making her appear aged. Her shallow breaths became more infrequent and even shallower. Her breathing became more laboured and her chest rattled with every breath. She didn't like sleeping at night because she knew it could be her last night. She continued compiling letters to each and every loved one, even Tori. Once she'd finished writing them, she'd finally accepted her fate. She kissed Beck goodbye and hugged her mom until she felt ready to let go. Slowly, she slipped away.

_R.I.P Jade West_

The coffin was carried in by a team of Jade's relatives. Even her little brother was at the front, looking up at it. The coffin was lowered into the ground, with everyone watching. It was almost time for the actual service to start.

Everyone wore black, bar Cat. Cat wore deep purple and carried her stuffed giraffe. She stood at the grave, Jade's mom holding her in her arms, rocking her back and forth slowly, the two ladies crying into each other's hair.

Beck was in his best suit. His tie was off centre even though he kept putting it in place. It wasn't tied well – Jade always did that, and his hair was limp. It was almost as if she'd sucked the life out of everyone and taken it with her. He was crying and his eyes were red. It was obvious that this was the worst pain he'd even endured in his short life and he didn't know how to cope with it. He was breaking. It felt like with every breath he took, the pain intensified.

Tori was dressed head to toe in black, in a cute dress with ruffles and a little hairband. She was clutching purple roses, ready to put on the coffin. She was hanging onto Andre's arm, sniffling. Andre had tears pouring from his eyes – he didn't know how much he'd really miss her. He was holding a microphone encrusted with jewels that spelled out "Jade". He was going to give it to her for her birthday. He gripped it tightly, wishing that he could have given it to her properly.

Robbie was now holding Cat in his arms; her strangled sobs making him wince in pain. He knew Jade would be wincing too, wherever she was. Robbie's own eyes were brimming with tears. It seemed as if even though she teased him, she understood him. With every sly smile she gave him it gave him strength. Cat wanted to give Jade Mr Longneck, though Mrs West persuaded her not to. She knew that Cat couldn't sleep without him. She gave Jade another half of a BFF bracelet. She laid it down gently on the coffin, closing her eyes when she heard the soft clank of it landing. She played with her half of the bracelet, her heart aching once again. The pain was evident on her face and she just wanted it to go away. Was that too much to ask?

Beck finally came to the coffin after her, with Jade's mother holding his shoulder, her own hands shaky. He placed a velvet box on the coffin, carefully opening it. "You should have been mine," he said, the tears cascading down his paler than usual face. He looked down at the glittering ring, and then walked away. It was too much for him. He scraped his hair back and went to a nearby table, leaning on it heavily. He felt as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Even Trina was there. She was dressed in black, with all the other mourners. In a way, Jade and Trina were the same. They both weren't…typical. Trina brought a little black star to lie on the side of the grave.

The worst mourner there was Paris West, on her knees and crying at the not yet buried under coffin. She was murmuring away. Her eyes were flickering and she was shaking her head.

"Not my baby," she said, over and over. It hurt everyone to look at her. Cat helped her up and the service began, with the priest saying a few words. He offered people to make speeches. Jade's mother stood up and took a deep breath. She swallowed and started.

"The pain in my chest is unbearable – unimaginable. I cannot believe that today…that today, I have to bury my baby." She took another deep breath, sweeping her hair back and wiping the tear away. "She was always such a unique girl, so bright and fun. She was just…Jade. There's no other way to describe her, really. I am heartbroken. You can never think this moment would hurt as much. The main thing that I like to think, though, is that she's not in pain anymore…she's happy at last." Paris bowed her head and left the podium, dashing to her daughter's unfinished grave again. No one else said anything, so the songs began as the coffin was lowered even more, starting with "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz, and finishing with "Breathe" by Taylor Swift. The dirt was put on top of the coffin, making her grave complete. Her mother watched, her heart breaking more every second. Cat fell to her knees and slapped away anyone who tried to pick her up, and Paris knelt with her. After the ground was filled, flowers were added and Andre's microphone was put there, along with Trina's star and Robbie's handmade synthetic bouquet of flowers.

Jade's mother stood at the grave alone, with her own mother keeping a watchful eye over her from a distance. Her hand was over her mouth, and her body shook with sobs, tears blurring her vision. The heartbreak was killing her. She stumbled over to her other child, her son, Dustin. Jade hoped she'd be okay to look after him when she was gone. His own face was tearstained and he clung to his mother, shaking as the tears leaked from his eyes.

_Life ain't always what you think it out to be, no, ain't even grey but she buries her baby. _

When they finally all arrived at Jade's house, there was a rainbow. It was almost as if Jade was looking down at them. Jade's mom looked up at it and blew a kiss, and told everyone else to join her in doing so. No one thought it weird. They all agreed and soon enough, everyone was doing it. They looked over photos of Jade before going home, to think about their own memories with her. They didn't cry much then. They were too wrapped up. They remembered what Jade said anyway.

"_Gather up your tears; keep 'em in your pocket. Keep 'em for a time when you're really gonna need them."_

_Weeks later_

Beck thought it was time to move on. They were all back at school, though most nights they went to Tori's house. They were all still grieving terribly. Being in each other's company seemed to ease the ache. One night, it was only Beck at Tori's house. She thought nothing of it. If it helped Beck, being at her house, she'd do it. She knew Jade would want that. She'd want Beck to be happy. She came in, carrying pink lemonade and her laptop.

"Haha, look at this. It's such a cute picture!" It was the whole group, with Jade there too, leaning on Beck. He looked into her eyes and sighed, closing the lid of the laptop. "Too soon?" Tori asked. "I'm sorry."

Beck leaned closer. He went in to kiss her but Tori leaned away. "Woah, Beck!" Tori said. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing…I just thought- I'm sorry," he finally decided on.

"Beck…you're not over Jade. You need time. Wait. I can't do this anyway. She wouldn't have it."

"She's not here." He whispered, sighing softly.

"She'd find a way, knowing her," Tori said quietly, offering him a small smile. Beck smiled a tiny smile.

"Yes…maybe you're right." Beck and Tori spent the rest of the night reminiscing about things. Tori stayed wary and kept her distance, though she thought Beck got her thoughts on that idea and was firmly put in his place. She knew he meant no harm though. He was just trying to take away his pain. Tori felt a chill run through her that night, after Beck left. "Oh, Jade…" She said, smiling. "I did as you asked before. I promise."

_Maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing, funny when you're dead how people start listening. _

They feel better, finally, after months of terrible grieving. Everyone still hurts, Beck and Cat especially, but every time they think they can't go on, they read her letters and look at her drawings. Jade really was a clever person. She knew that they'd need her even when she was gone. Tori even likes looking at herself with a mustache.

At least now they know what would happen if they die young.


End file.
